My married lover won’t leave her husband because he earns more money

A partner needs to offer more than money for a relationship to last, but the importance of financial stability shouldn’t be underestimated.

In this week’s Sex Column, we hear from a reader who’s been having an affair with a married woman for years. While she claims she’s unhappy at home, she hasn’t made the move to leave.

He’s starting to feel he’s being short-changed by their arrangement, and that his lover is staying with her husband because he’s wealthy enough to give her a comfortable life.

Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman whose ex wants her back – but only on the condition he’s allowed to sleep with other people too.

The problem…

I’m madly in love with a girl I’ve been seeing for two years and I’d marry her tomorrow. The only problem is, she’s already married to someone else. 

She has told me repeatedly that her marriage is unhappy and that she just has to pick the right moment to leave her husband. Unfortunately, the right moment never seems to come. 

I work as an electrician, which is quite well paid, but I don’t own my own home because I can’t save up the deposit as long as I’m paying rent. Despite this, I have an okay car, dress well and treat my girlfriend to nice meals, and she never complains when I take her out. 

She’s good friends with my mate’s girlfriend, and apparently, she recently confessed to her that she could never ‘leave her husband for an electrician’ which really peed me off. However, when I confronted her, she denied ever saying it and just repeated how much she loves me. 

I’ve seen her house, which is massive, and her husband recently bought her a flash car and paid for a boob job. He’s something in the City and earns a lot of money, but she insists that’s not why she stays with him. 

It’s not like I haven’t tried to dump her, I have. But she always begs me not to finish with her and promises we’ll be together in the end. 

She has no children, so why does she stay with a guy she doesn’t even have sex with? 

The advice…

Well, at a guess, I’d say she stays with him for the money and the comfortable life, but then I think you already know that. What she doesn’t have apparently is great sex, but she gets that from you. It sounds to me like she has the best of both worlds, so why would she give that up? 

I doubt your friend’s partner made up the story about your girlfriend not ending her marriage ‘for an electrician’. That just tells me how shallow she is, and how her ‘love’ for you only extends to what you can offer between the sheets. Is that really the sort of person you want to share your life with? 

If you want a serious relationship that has a future, it doesn’t sound as though you’re going to find it with someone who prioritises superficial things like flash cars and big houses.  

I know this woman means a lot to you, so give her one last chance. Issue an ultimatum, telling her that she has to leave her husband, or you’re going to move on without her. If she decides to stay where she is, then at least you know the love she feels for you, isn’t as strong as you imagined. 

I’m not suggesting that walking away will be easy, but getting involved with someone married often ends in tears. Next time find a single girl who shares your dreams for the future; there are plenty of them out there. 

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to [email protected].

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