WOW! Thursday’s shocking new figures on immigration reveal we now have a net migration figure of 745,000 arriving with every passing year, around the size of the population of Leeds.
How’s that for taking back control? Not great.
Suella Braverman describes the figures as a “slap in the face” for British people. As if she wasn’t the Home Secretary five minutes ago!
But despite 13 years of brazenly broken Tory promises and a Labour leader who is not Jeremy Corbyn, it still feels like the next general election is just about up for grabs.
And it will be decided by those floating voters who have yet to make up their minds.
After Essex Man and Mondeo Man, it is Don’t Know Dan they all need to woo.
Dan — or Don’t Know Doris — voted for Brexit, then lost the Labour habits of a lifetime by switching to Boris and the Tories.
And absolutely none of it has worked out quite as Don’t Know Dan was promised.
All the pain and poison of Brexit — was it really worth it?
When the 17.4million who voted for Brexit see immigration rocketing out of control, they are bewildered.
The small boats on their one-way journey trundling across the English Channel have taken on huge symbolic importance, but it is LEGAL migration that means we must find space for the population of Birmingham — the second city! — every two years.
After five Tory PMs and 13 years of Conservative rule, the fabric of British society feels like it is unravelling — the NHS is overwhelmed, crime is brazen, strikes last for ever, a torpor of post-pandemic lethargy hangs over the nation.
Taxes are at an historic high while delivery of public services are at an all-time low.
And yet, and yet — there is no great burning enthusiasm for Labour. Sunak v Starmer is not Major v Blair.
Yes, a Labour victory looks likely — but it doesn’t look inevitable, the way Blair’s landslide looked nailed-on in 1997.
Starmer is a credible Labour leader but then North Korea’s Kim Jong-un would look like a credible Labour leader after comrade Corbyn.
Let down by the Tories yet not in love with Labour — a year or so from the next general election, Don’t Know Dan’s vote is still up for grabs.
This week the Autumn Statement from Chancellor Jeremy Hunt, delivered the biggest tax cuts since the 1980s but the overall tax burden remains at an historic high.
After a year in office, Rishi Sunak’s Government is starting to look a bit more like a real Tory government — and not just more quasi-socialist advocates for the big state, chucking around the British taxpayer’s money like a sozzled sailor on shore leave.
Bonfire of taxes
But there is a strong instinct in the British voter to “let the other lot have a go”.
When Labour were led by Jezza and his swivel-eyed pals, that instinct lay dormant, because the British will never vote for someone who seems to despise this country. Now that ancient instinct is back.
Why not let the other lot have a go?
Because it is impossible to believe that Sir Keir Starmer has the skill set to heal inflation, immigration, crime, the cost of living, the housing crisis and strikes without end.
Why let the other lot have a go if they are going to make things even worse?
So the Tories could still nick the next general election if Rishi Sunak can light a bonfire of taxes.
Because there is one thing Don’t Know Dan knows for sure.
He feels much poorer today than he did all those years ago when David Cameron was slim and hot.
JAV NOT MAD ON ROW
THE new president of Argentina, colourful character Javier Milei, has been called a Benny Hill lookalike – and you can see the similarity when he has his reading glasses on.
As a bonus, his girlfriend, actress Fatima Florez, looks like one of those blonde bombshells that Benny Hill would have chased around trees on speeded-up tape, back when comedians could do that sort of thing on family viewing.
They call Milei El Loco – the madman – because he wields a chainsaw at rallies, dresses up as a superhero, teaches tantric sex lasting for eight hours (although that includes a break for dinner and a movie) and seeks advice from beyond the grave from his dead dog Conan, an English mastiff who passed away in 2017.
Yet despite El Loco’s impressive CV of brazenly bonkers behaviour, Argentina’s new president says he has no plan to grab back the Falklands.
He’s not that crazy!
KING’S KOREA BEST
KING CHARLES continues to demonstrate a genius for diplomacy nobody really anticipated.
The state visit of the South Korean President, Yoon Suk Yeol, and First Lady Kim Keon-hee was a triumph for soft power.
The King was right to draw comparisons between the UK and South Korea – we had James Bond and The Beatles, the Koreans have Squid Game and Blackpink, a K-pop girl group with 58million followers on Instagram.
Blackpink looked so happy with their honorary MBEs.
Charles gave a warm, funny and wise speech expressing regret about not working on his Gangnam Style on a visit to Seoul and, on a serious note, reminding everyone that 1,000 British servicemen died in the 1950s fighting for South Korea’s freedom.
And how refreshing it was to hear our King talking about our country’s past – and not finding something to apologise for.
Vanessa declares phwoar on Napoleon
RIDLEY Scott’s Napoleon has the greatest battle scenes I have ever seen.
But it is also a quirky love story, containing a moment worthy of Sharon Stone in that infamous scene from Basic Instinct.
“Look down – you’ll see a surprise,” whispers Vanessa Kirby’s sultry Josephine to Joaquin Phoenix’s stunned Napoleon as she slowly opens her thighs.
“Once you see it, you will always want it.”
I am guessing – a golden retriever puppy?
CROWN GIVE UP GHOST
AFTER watching the first four episodes of The Crown’s final series, it is clear the show now has bigger problems than Imelda Staunton playing the Queen with all the warmth and humour of a Dalek.
The Crown starts to feel like a second-rate soap opera – Dallas with a few Baftas.
The guest appearance of Diana’s ghost in the most recent episode was a serious creative misstep.
Unlike the rest of The Crown’s cast, Elizabeth Debicki makes you believe you are looking at the real thing.
But having Diana’s ghost make an appearance – having an unlikely natter with Charles on the plane back from Paris, sharing a spectral chat with the Queen – was naff beyond belief.
What I remember most about the death of Diana was how shocking her sudden absence felt.
Just 36 years old and gone for ever.
And Diana’s relationship with the media was infinitely more complex – and mutually beneficial – then you would ever guess from the simplistic banalities of The Crown.
Here, every journalist is a leering, working-class thug and every photographer a sneering greasy parasite.
The Crown’s sense of moral superiority is laughable.
Because who ever feasted on the carcass of the Royal Family quite as heartily as the makers of The Crown?
IT’S OUT OF LINE
BOWL up at immigration when you arrive back home in Blighty and you will find yourself – despite Brexit! – having to get in the same queue as the citizens of the 27 nations of the European Union.
And that’s fine by me. But ONLY if that courtesy is extended to the Brits abroad. And right now it is not.
When Brits arrive in the EU we are treated like suspicious characters and herded into the dreaded All Other Passports lane.
It is always good to get on with your neighbours.
But it is only possible when the neighbours want to get on with you.
